Some snippets of my most recent book, the sequel to 'I would love to make a photo project about you'.
The triangle of Doro, me and the camera changes: Doro goes to Croatia and I stay behind with the camera. Doro has inspired me immensely with her vibrancy. Now it is time for me to find this aliveness within myself. Through self-portraits I start to look for this feeling, for the different sides of myself. But while doing so, I find out that photographing gets in the way of liveliness. As soon as the camera is introduced, the situation changes. A second spectator enters the room. This has major consequences. The camera creates a different reality: as soon as the camera is there, life seems like a play, a performance. As soon as the camera is there, I feel like an actress in my own life, an actress who plays Merel.
In the project I find out why I capture things with my camera in the first place. Slowly I come to the conclusion that I have to leave the camera behind to feel alive, to see things with my own eyes instead of through the lens. But I am an image maker by nature. What now?